Tag: funny story

Once Upon a Time, I Broke the Law

Have you ever unintentionally broken the law?

Yes. I cut off a police officer’s vehicle while driving. It was an unfortunate incident, one of those galling moments that ambushes and commandeers an otherwise perfectly fine day.

I was driving home from dinner with some friends. So far, so good. It was after dark, and I was driving back from a part of town I hadn’t been to before, so navigation was a touch difficult. And, since I know some of you are already thinking it, no, I wasn’t drunk. I don’t drink. Anyway, I missed a turn and my sense of direction went topsy-turvy. I pulled into a parking lot to get my bearings, realized I was only a mile from home, and, in my eagerness to reach said home, quickly turned left out into the street.

As these things tend to go, that was the same moment a police officer was driving along. I didn’t see her, and I cut her off. I’ll never know how close it actually was because I didn’t spot her car, but I did spot the flashing lights and pulled over.

The officer also thought I might be drunk. I replied in the negative, she wrote out my ticket, and then, since this was the first (and so far only) driving infraction I had received, she very generously informed me that I could go to the county courthouse and pay to have the ticket removed from my record. And because I am not in the habit of desiring bad things to show on my permanent record, I did so ASAP.

…

…

What? Were you expecting explosions and gunfire? I broke the law, I never said it was a scene out of John Wick. I cut off a police officer, got a ticket, paid the ticket off. The end. Always remember to pay attention when you’re driving.

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Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

The Wrist That Would Not Break

Have you ever broken a bone?

As a matter of fact, I broke my leg when I was a kid. Had to wear a cast. Very painful and inconvenient, I can assure you, but this story isn’t about that. This is about the time when my doctor was convinced that I had broken my wrist.

So, I was a kid roughhousing with my friends, and I fell over and hurt my wrist. My mom takes me to the doctor, who looks it over and then sends me to a clinic to have an X-ray taken. The scan shows that there was no break, though I did have to wear a sort of partial-glove thing to keep my wrist straight and rigid. Presumably in case it did decide to break.

My doctor, however, was not a man easily dissuaded. I went in for another appointment, he inspected my wrist, then sent me over for another X-ray. No change.

I come in for a third appointment. My wrist appears to still be intact. But how can one know without an X-ray? Third time’s the charm. Off I go to have my wrist scanned for signs of a might-be-hiding-in-plain-sight crack in my wrist. Three X-ray scans, and my wrist still wasn’t broken.

In fact, the man in charge of the clinic came to speak with me in person to confirm if the X-rays had been deceived and my wrist was in fact broken. It in fact was not.

Looking back, I might have at least done my primary doctor the favor of discreetly breaking my own wrist to justify his vigilance. But that’s the sort of idea that only comes later in life with much wisdom and imagination. The fact is, my wrist truly, sincerely, and stubbornly refused to break, no matter how many X-rays it was subjected to.

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Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“