Writers, Mix It Up

I’ve started on the third installment in my urban fantasy series. Everyone writes at different speeds, and I’m somewhere in the middle of the pack, I think. I published my first book in August 2023 and published my second in January of this year. I hope to finish this third installment by the end of next year.

Maybe I am a slow writer, after all, but when you have a job and other commitments, you can’t be a writer 24/7, unfortunately.

Anyway, I’m happy with my work, but after finishing this current project, I think I’ll take a break from Hermes’ adventures. I’m in the mood to try something new. And that’s healthy, I’m finding. Writing about the same thing is kind of like exercising. If you keep exercising the same muscle group over and over, you end up hurting yourself rather than strengthening yourself.

So, I want to mix it up. I want to write different stories after finishing book #3 and stretch my talents. Broaden my horizons and various other cliches. It’ll be fun, and it’s good practice to try something new.

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My book, The Trickster’s Lament, is currently available on Amazon in both Kindle and paperback format.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

My New Book is Out on Amazon!

I am very excited to announce that my new book, The Trickster’s Lament, is now available on Amazon for both Kindle and paperback. This is my second ever published book and a sequel to my first, A God Walks Up to the Bar. I hope that my readers enjoy the further modern day adventures of the Greek god Hermes.

Synopsis:

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.

He may be disrespected. He may be kicked about. He may even be falling out with his pantheon. But Hermes is a trickster. He knows how to play dirty in a world that doesn’t play fair. But though he can best man, beast, and god, he isn’t prepared for his wiliest opponent yet: his own conscience.”

And for those who missed it the first time …

A God Walks Up to the Bar, my first foray into publishing, is also on Amazon.com. Interested in Hermes’s first recorded adventures battling half giants, skinwalkers, vampires, and other foes? Check it out!

As always, thanks for simply visiting my blog and sharing in my writing career and my various musings on life, the universe, and everything. Whether you click that subscribe button or not, I truly appreciate your taking the time to read my ramblings. Cheers.

Cover Art for The Trickster’s Lament

It’s my pleasure and privilege to reveal to you the title and cover of my soon to be published second book, The Trickster’s Lament.

Per the synopsis:

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.

He may be disrespected. He may be kicked about. He may even be falling out with his pantheon. But Hermes is a trickster. He knows how to play dirty in a world that doesn’t play fair. But though he can best man, beast, and god, he isn’t prepared for his wiliest opponent yet: his own conscience.”

Look forward to The Trickster’s Lament release on Amazon.com later this month!

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

The Trickster’s Lament preview #2

Another glimpse of my novel-in-progress.

Don’t you just hate it when a plan falls apart? A simple museum heist has gone completely off the rails for Hermes. The trickster god better think fast.

I didn’t wait for more gunfire and sprinted out of their line of sight into a nearby gift shop. I vaulted the cashier’s desk and winded through the shelves of merchandise. As I did so, I felt a sudden and intense accumulation of magic behind me, a growing pressure that was followed by a violent rush of wind. The sensation swiftly changed from that of a strong gust to the feeling of barbed-wire digging into me. I dropped to the floor.

The clamor of the spell demolished the shop. Books, toys, mugs, and pens were caught up and eviscerated by a wind storm condensed into a narrow room-wide blade of fast-moving air. Metal shrieked as the spell sliced apart shelving. It traveled to the end of the room before it dissipated, leaving a deep gash in the wall.

Wind magic is hard. Controlling it with any degree of precision, let alone focusing it into a cutting edge, is notorious among mages for its difficulty. Most would-be practitioners either give up or lose limbs. These mercenaries were no amateurs. They also obviously had no interest in witnesses.

After the spell ran its course, I pushed myself to my feet and leapt up and over the pile of shredded debris. My foot caught on a piece of ripped cardboard, and I tripped. Four pops of a gun sounded behind me. One of the bullets caught me in the shin. As I regained my footing, centuries of discipline helped me to force the shock of pain to the fringes of my awareness. Another bullet did the proverbial whistle past my ear and kicked up a bit of plaster a few feet away.

Exiting the shop, I reached the second-floor rotunda overlooking the lobby. Speed was essential, so, without stopping, I rolled forward, defying the pain in my leg. I shapeshifted as I came out of the roll, landing as a tortoise whose inertia and smooth underside skidded me along the tile floor like a misshapen hockey puck. Shots aimed at human head height whizzed over me.

I came to a rest and peeked out of my shell. Three men exited the gift shop and proceeded cautiously, two of them with guns raised. Before they could spot me, I changed into a fly and circled behind them. Strong hands swiftly grabbed the pair of gunmen by the napes of their neck and slammed their heads together.

The mage spun around at the sound of my attack. He was dressed like the others – black body armor and balaclava, night vision goggles – but he carried no gun except a sidearm at his hip. His hands were stretched out with palms forward. He was furiously chanting to focus his magic. Not fast enough.

I swung one of the unconscious mercs into a wide arc. At the apex of the throw, I let go. The merc flew gracelessly into the mage. The man saw it and nimbly hopped aside, dodging entirely.

But I followed through the toss and kept spinning. I gripped the second merc with both hands and hurled him as hard as I could. It was a beautiful hit. Both bodies were lifted off the floor and traveled a perfectly horizontal trajectory into a wall.

With luck and medical attention, they would keep all their ribs intact.

More footsteps echoed in the museum’s open space. This was becoming annoying. I didn’t have the inclination to play soldier, and I was running out of time. I had to find Bast. She was still somewhere in the museum, and she had my prize in her hands. Catching up with her was my one and only priority. These thugs were a distraction, at best.

I gritted my teeth. She had better still be here.

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

The Trickster’s Lament preview

Yes, indeed, I have been working on my second book all this time! And now that it is nearing completion, I’m happy to share a sneak peak of The Trickster’s Lament, continuation of the Greek god Hermes’ adventures in the modern world and sequel to A God Walks Up to the Bar.

In my long life, I’ve awakened to many unpleasant sensations. The awareness that I was drowning swiftly found its place as among the worst.

Consciousness returned slowly. My muddled mind tried to take stock of my surroundings, but failed to comprehend. And so, I obeyed my body’s first instinct, which was to open my mouth and take a deep breath. For that, I received a mouthful of water straight down my windpipe. I choked. The spasm triggered another reflexive breath and more water filled my lungs.

My eyelids snapped open, and I looked around in pain and mounting panic. I rotated my body down to look at the murky blackness beneath my feet, then upward toward the white sun splintered into fragments by the water’s rippling surface. I made frantically for that light, swinging my arms in wide strokes that strained my half-drowned body. Black dots skewered my vision, and every movement was agony. I was dying.

I couldn’t actually die from drowning, of course. One would think that would be an advantage. But my body wasn’t immune to harm, merely to death. I could feel the water in my lungs cutting off the flow of oxygen to my brain. I could feel my heartbeat slow as vital organs succumbed. I could feel every second of my body’s suffering. No, I wouldn’t die. I’d just be reduced to a limbo state, a piece of litter drifting along the currents.

I retched and vomited. A current pushed the warm mess back into my face. A painful twitch in my throat forced me to take another breath. The same water I’d ejected was sucked back in.

I felt a tinge of envy for mortals. Such a uniquely morbid sensation, dying but not being able to die. Feeling the blood in your veins pool and thicken into sludge, and your clogged respiratory system desperately tried to pump out water faster than it was taking it in. My skull felt like it was cracking apart as my brain functions collapsed. Pure animal instinct was all that kept me moving.

Dying, but unable to die. Lucky me.

Eyes bulging out of my head and white-hot pain searing every cell in my body, I broke the surface. Water and vomit erupted from my mouth in a geyser. For the next few moments, I just floated on the waves. My body needed time to heal itself and return to proper working order. My vision gradually cleared of fluttering black flecks, and my thoughts readjusted into more complex patterns than “Oh, dear Hera, I need to breathe.” While I waited for my strength to return, I looked about and saw only rolling waves and a pale sun winking from a cloud-streaked sky. No land was visible. I was alone in the Atlantic.

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

A God Walks Up to the Bar – Excerpt Pt. 2

This is the second half of my short story excerpt from A God Walks Up to the Bar. Go here to view the first half.

I walked into a scene right out of a 1930s gangster movie. Five men sat around a table playing cards, cigarette smoke hovering over them like angry clouds. The scent of alcohol wafted from half-empty liquor bottles to mingle with the smoke. Five faces looked up as I entered and stared daggers into me.

It was quite the diverse crew Stauffer had. Sitting closest to the door was a squat, grey-skinned goblin. To his right was a great hulk of a man whose tree-trunk arms cordoned off a quarter of the table as he guarded his cards. Another half-ogre. Across from him sat a man whose face was entirely covered in a bristly black beard save for his red eyes. To his left was a slender, fragile-looking man with ash-colored hair who exuded magical power.

And then there was Arnold Stauffer, seated in his armchair on the far side of the table facing the door. He had a cigar in his mouth and a hand of cards in his thick fingers.

We Immortals are a funny lot. As our kind drifts along time’s currents, watching civilizations rise, rule, and fall, many of us beach ourselves along the way. Some are just too stubborn and irked by keeping pace with changing times. They lose track of the eras and fixate on one specific point. It may be a particular century, decade, or even one notable year. They cling to that time’s fashions for so long that they become walking anachronisms, lodged in attitudes and styles long since abandoned.

Not easy individuals to deal with. It’s hard to negotiate with someone who not only dresses like they’re in the Elizabethan era but talks and acts like it. You want to laugh, but then you remember how easily they can strike you with lightning and plague if you offend their obsolete sensibilities.

Stauffer had started his rise to power in 1920, so the period had sentimental value to him. His aesthetic clung to “Prohibition-era gangster,” suits, Tommy guns and all. It was a style that really didn’t fit him. The sharp-cut suit clung awkwardly to his hulking frame so that he looked like an angry boulder wearing a necktie. His pencil mustache clashed with a jagged nose broken in three different places. His slicked black hair was a hilariously tiny patch on top of a craggy, oversized skull.

Stauffer wanted to look a gentleman, but that’s hard to do when you’re a primal incarnation of nature’s fury.

He was a half-jötunn — a descendant of the giants of the north. They were sovereigns of nature’s wrathful aspects. Their kings had shaped mountains, unleashed fire and magma from the earth, stirred up hurricanes, and rained down hail and thunder. And here was Arnold Stauffer, the blood of King Thrym running in his veins and eyes swirling like a storm, trying to conceal that heritage with a side-combed haircut and bespoke suit. Seeing a manifestation of cataclysm dressed up like Al Capone and playing poker? It was surreal. Absurd.

Stauffer leaned back in his chair and took a long drag from his cigar. Smoke billowed out of his mouth as he spoke.

“Mister, I hope for your sake that you’re someone very important.”

I bowed. “Lord Hermes of Olympus, Herald of the Dodekatheon, who speaks with the voice of Lord Zeus to Arnold Stauffer of the bloodline of Thrym.”

Stauffer put down his cards. “Proof?”

I sighed inwardly. There had been a time when this was easy. When those words made people snap to attention. I took off my ring and tossed it to him. He caught it and inspected it for a moment, then he threw it back.

“Lord Hermes himself. What an honor. What a privilege.” He spat the words out like curses. “So, what does the old fart on the mountain have to say? What horrible punishment will he rain down on this old sinner?”

He laughed. His minions half-heartedly joined him but kept their heads down. Only Stauffer dared look me in the eye.

“Punishment?” I raised an eyebrow. “This isn’t about punishment. We’re civilized folk in a civilized age. Lord Zeus recognizes your authority and your bloodline and so is willing to show leniency. We can resolve this matter quickly and painlessly.”

Stauffer said nothing but waved at me with his cigar to go on.

“The message, to wit, is this: For the past six months, you have been expanding your operations in this city. You approached a man named Zachary Jensen, owner of real estate that you desired. This man is a scion of Lord Zeus. You knew this.”

Stauffer watched me with an indifferent expression. His minions shuffled a little in their seats. Their bodies were tense.

“Five days ago, you invited Mr. Jensen to a restaurant under your ownership and offered him money in exchange for his property. He declined. It is understood by Olympus that he refused … harshly, replying with insults against you and your lineage. The following night, when he arrived home, he was attacked by four men and beaten almost to death. Olympus knows it was at your order. Do not deny it.”

“I never did.”

“In harming a child of the Olympians, you displayed gross disrespect towards Lord Zeus. However, he is willing to show mercy as long as proper compensation is made. Namely—”

“I don’t kowtow to old gods!” Stauffer shouted. “I won’t—”

“Firstly,” I carried on resolutely, “you will affirm here and now your intent to abide by the rules of the Contract. Our law forbids Lord Zeus from taking direct retribution against you and your own within New York, a recognized Free City. So, too, does it forbid your organization from laying hands on any recognized demigod.”

Stauffer bared his teeth in an ugly smile. “I was within my rights. He insulted me and so I —”

“Secondly, you will provide compensation for the injuries done to Jensen. This compensation will consist of two million dollars taken out of your organization’s profits.”

At this, the table rumbled with angry mutterings. Stauffer’s defiant grin grew larger.

“In one week’s time, representatives from Olympus will arrive here to collect the money. And finally, the restaurant at which you met Jensen will, freely and by your own hand, be gifted to Lord Zeus. You will hand over the deed and all other necessary documentation to the Olympian representatives, and Olympus will take up management of the premises. In so doing, you will have displayed proper atonement for your crime.”

I saw the anger in Stauffer boil hotter with every word. As I finished, he shot up from his chair and slammed his hands on the table.

“I refuse,” he said. “I will give Olympus nothing. I don’t jump when you bark. I don’t roll over and show my belly. You and your kin, all you so-called ‘gods,’ have no power over me. Over anyone in this city.”

He exhaled a heavy breath, and the smoke billowed out like from a dragon’s den. “Look around you. Look anywhere in this city. Humans, goblins, trolls, satyrs, djinn, jötunn, all of us, we go about our lives without a thought given to you. You’re nothing now but curiosities in museums, characters in comic books. You’re just fantasies. Nobody really remembers you. We’ve moved beyond you.”

He stretched out his arms, inviting me to challenge him. “The god Thor killed my ancestor Thrym, but his successors watched Thor die at Ragnarök and spat on his corpse. They watched all you Immortals bicker and slaughter each other. You destroyed your own empires, and the mortals hated you for it. You thought making your Contract could help you rebuild. But what happened next? Science came and explained you away. Philosophy killed any faith left in your kind. Technology made you obsolete. And what did you mighty gods do when the prayers stopped? What happened when the temples were left to crumble? Nothing.”

I scratched my neck idly as I listened to his rant. I might as well let him get this off his chest.

“You don’t have any power. You’re just tired old dogs bound by your precious rules. Because without the Contract, you’d tear yourselves apart again, wouldn’t you? And you, Hermes, you’re just an over-glorified errand boy.” Alright, that made me perk up. “You lay a finger on me, and you violate your laws. So, all you can do is spout empty threats. Get out.”

He finished and glared at me triumphantly. I nodded as if acceding to what he said, and strolled past the table. I noticed a ratty-looking couch in the corner and sprawled out on it.

“You know,” I said, “I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding going on here. Olympus isn’t threatening you. I’m not threatening you. I’m stating facts. You made a mistake, and now you have a chance to make it right. Because, you see”— I held up a hand to cut off another interjection— “this isn’t about the rules. This isn’t about intimidation. This is about the balance of power. You can appreciate that, right? Someone pushes you, you push back. Someone rocks the boat, you tie him down to keep it from capsizing. You can’t get away with mauling demigods without some sort of consequence. What sort of bad precedent would that set?”

Stauffer snorted. “New York is a Free City. The Immortals have no jurisdiction here. We aren’t under any pantheon’s authority.”

“You willing to test that theory? True, no pantheon has direct control over a Free City. It’s neutral ground. But neutral doesn’t mean safe. The Contract is fabulously complex. All sorts of loopholes. Oh, and chew on this: If you walk away from this scot-free, then everyone and their mother who hears about it will figure they can, too. Who’s stopping the supernatural community from settling old grudges and maybe starting a few wars? Maybe even come gunning for you. Who’s going to step in and put a stop to it?” I thumped my chest. “Us. The Immortals. Because we keep the balance.”

Stauffer’s eyes wavered for a moment, but his sneer reasserted itself, and he shook his head.

“I know,” I said coolly, “you’re the big boss. You call the shots. Who can touch you? But let’s think back, shall we? Why are you the big boss? Because you got lucky. Your forefathers are still hiding in Scandinavia, ragged and forgotten, because Ragnarök screwed them over just as badly as it did Thor’s family. So here comes a young man, full of ambition, newly arrived in America, with nothing but brawn, a tangled family tree, and a desire to prove his people still matter. And New York had just come out of a nasty gang war among the supernaturals. I remember. I was there. The war left a power vacuum. Lucky you. You put that brawn to good work and filled the hole.”

“Because I was strong enough,” Stauffer replied. “I took what I wanted and I kept it.”

“Spare me, Arnie. If they were still around, the old families wouldn’t even have noticed you. You’ve never known until now what it’s like to compete in the big leagues. But you’re finding out, aren’t you? The Aristocracy is breathing down your neck. You’ve angered Olympus. Suddenly, the dog is facing the wolves, and what does he do? He hides in a backroom playing poker. Where’s that jötunn pride? Where’s the bravado of the people who watched gods die? Let’s see some strength, Arnie, not big talk.”

This had exactly the effect I knew it would. Wounded pride overcame Stauffer’s self-control. Shaking all over, he walked towards me, fists clenched and breaths coming out in ragged gasps. He stood over me, and I knew from the look in his eye he wasn’t going to let me walk away now.

“Say it,” he whispered. “Just say it.”

I frowned. “Say what?”

“Tell me what you think I am. Say it to my face.”

“Arnie Stauffer? Crime lord of East New York?” I counted on my fingers. “Defier of the gods? Descendant of Thrym, who got his head bashed in by Thor like a chump? Tall, angry man looming over me with murderous rage in his eyes?” My face lit up. “Oh! Do you mean back-stabbing, opportunistic, cowardly piece of meat?”

His hands shot out and grabbed me. He wrenched me off the couch and threw me across the room. I landed on the table. Its occupants backed away as I rolled across and onto the floor, taking beer bottles, cards, and poker chips with me.

I wasn’t down for long. I jumped to my feet, fists at the ready, my mind bandying various strategies on how to win. Because I knew I was going to win.

“Kill him,” Stauffer barked.

I sighed inwardly. Thousands of years of hard-learned lessons, yet folks never really learn.

The slender pale man began muttering under his breath and made a sign with his hands. As the spell manifested, his skin turned white as milk and blue runic symbols shone on his skin. A troll.

I didn’t have time to take him out, though, because I felt a sudden searing pain in my left arm. I turned to see the bearded man gripping me with hands glowing red-hot. He opened his mouth, revealing four rows of razor teeth. I chided myself for not recognizing a ghūl when I saw one.

I twisted my body away from his grip as he tried to bite my arm. With my free hand, I drove a right hook into his head, hitting him hard enough to spin him around. He released my arm, which I promptly used for a jab between the shoulder blades that knocked the wind out of him.

As the ghūl fell to his knees, I felt a constriction around my whole body. The troll was working his magic, weaving cerulean strands of light around me like a rope. I grunted and made towards him, but the bands of light were strong enough to halt my movement. Alright, I admitted to myself, this may be a tad more difficult than I had anticipated.

Then the half-ogre joined the fun.

He rushed past the troll and head-butted me. His skull connected with my jaw and propelled me into the wall with a loud crack of cheap plaster. Still trapped by the troll’s magic, the best I could do in response was an upward kick that looked more like an impression of a flopping fish. The thug threw me to the floor and stomped his foot down — he actually stepped on me! — and drove it as hard as he could into my chest. I think he was surprised that my ribcage didn’t give in.

Enough was enough. The troll was tripping me up with petty magic, the ghūl was regaining enough of his senses to make another go at a taste test, and a half-ogre was literally walking all over me. Time to get serious.

I channeled my own power into breaking the spell. The troll was competent enough but only competent. I envisioned the entangling bands breaking apart. Reality responded to my demand, and the spell swiftly disintegrated into motes of fast-fading light. Several of the motes caught the half-ogre in the eyes. He grunted in pain and backed away as he covered his blinded eyes with his hands.

Able to move freely again, I flipped to my feet in time to catch a bite in the shoulder from that freaking ghūl. I gritted my teeth and elbowed him hard. His head snapped back, taking a nice chunk of my shoulder and jacket with him.

I laid into the half-ogre. A flurry of punches to the stomach softened him up, and a left hook to the hip cracked bone and made the brute double over. I delivered an uppercut that put him back into a standing position before I wrapped a hand around his waist, put my other hand beneath his arm, and lifted him over my head. A flawlessly executed vertical suplex slammed him into the table, splintering it and leaving the half-ogre groaning on the floor.

Incidentally, not many people do their homework on me. They’re so hung up on the “Messenger of the Gods” title that they fail to appreciate my many other admirable attributes. Such as my divine mastery of boxing and wrestling. No man or woman, mortal or otherwise, can beat me in a boxing match. Play fair or cheat, you aren’t going to win.

The troll saw his comrade go down and tried to run. I grabbed him and spun him around to face me. His mouth and eyes formed perfect “O”s when I drove my fist into his chest. He flew across the room into the door. It didn’t break, and he fell down face-forward. He didn’t get back up.

The ghūl was having troubles of his own. He choked and stumbled around as his eyes glazed over. The liquid dribbling from his mouth hadn’t agreed with him. He was quickly learning that the blood of gods was poisonous to mortals. I took him down with an offhand punch.

Stauffer hadn’t budged an inch from where he stood. He was transfixed on me with a mixture of rage, amazement, and stark fear. I turned to the goblin, who hadn’t joined in the fight at all. I lifted an eyebrow. Stauffer also looked at his minion and jerked his head at me.

“You serious, boss?” the goblin scoffed. He jumped over the prostrate troll and bolted out the door.

Stauffer growled a sharp curse.

“You’ll pay for this. You’ve assaulted me on my own property. You’ve violated the Contract, and heads will roll. Mark my words.”

I cracked my knuckles and laughed. “Mark my words, Stauffer, you started this fight. The only head that would roll is yours.”

“You provoked me!” Realization dawned in his eyes. “You wanted this fight to happen!”

“Maybe, maybe not. But it happened. And you started it. You think I’ve breached the Contract, take it up with the High Court. It’s your word against mine.”

“Maybe I will.”

“You do that. Olympus is part of the High Court. My father sits on it. The god you offended.”

His eyes practically bulged out of his head.

“And, I hate to say it, but you are part jötunn. The gods haven’t forgotten what your kind did to Asgard. Take a case to the Court, see what happens.”

“You …You …” He was too angry to form words. Finally, he snapped and charged me.

I was ready. I sidestepped his haymaker, drove my fist into the soft flesh below his ribs, and stuck my foot in front of his leg. He tilted forward ponderously and hit the floor with a heavy thud. He rolled himself over onto his back. He looked up at me, gasping for breath.

“You piece of … You little son of a—”

“Ah-ah!” I wagged my finger. “Blasphemy! Don’t want to add that to your list of offenses.”

I took stock of the scene. The room was trashed, four men were lying on the floor in varying states of consciousness, and I was standing there with my favorite jacket ruined and a piece of my shoulder missing. All in all, things had gone fairly well.

“One week, Stauffer,” I said as I walked away. “You have one week to come up with two million dollars. Olympus’ representatives will be here.” I paused at the door. “They won’t be as polite as me.”

At the sight of my torn clothes and blood — and the sight of my ripped flesh knitting itself back together even as I walked along — the tavern’s occupants looked away from me and became very focused on their drinks. I noticed that Mark was absent. The old man who’d been sitting with him caught my eye and nodded to me with a noncommittal expression.

I walked up to the bar and demanded a shot of whiskey. The bartender obliged me with all due haste. I downed it, put the glass down, and walked out of the bar. The bartender wouldn’t have expected me to pay, anyway.

I was back in the awful drizzle, a little the worse for wear, but in high spirits. I strolled down the sidewalk, happy to be done with that chore and ready for a night of relaxation and enjoyable company. A night at The Vine sounded like just the thing for me.

It had been an exciting errand, certainly, but not anything particularly special. In the grand scheme of life, of all the things I had done and seen and said, this was a minor event. A petty task. Just another message successfully delivered.

If you just so happen to be enjoying my blog, feel free to subscribe. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

My first book, A God Walks up to the Bar, is available on Amazon.com. Witness the modern day adventures of the Greek god Hermes in a world much like our own – and with demigods, vampires, nymphs, ogres, and magic. The myths never went away, they just learned to move on with the times. It’s a tough job, being a god!

A God Walks up to the Bar – Excerpt

Well, I’ve talked a lot about writing on this blog, but I’ve never actually posted any of my work yet. I thought today that I would post an excerpt from my first-ever published book, A God Walks Up to the Bar. It’s an anthology of five short stories, connected by a framing story, that details the adventures of the Greek god Hermes in modern day. Read and enjoy!

The night was gloomy in that part of New York. There was no glamor here, no joyous nightlife. There was just rain drizzling down half-heartedly, covering the sidewalk in a dirty wet sheen that reflected the glare of the streetlights. It reminded me of how long I’d been putting off that vacation to Aruba, and how nice it would be to lounge in the jacuzzi in my apartment. But, alas, no such luxuries tonight. I was on business. The messenger had gotten his assignment, and like the intrepid mail pilots of old, he must get through.

I tromped through the puddles and arrived at my destination. It was a real hole-in-the-wall bar. Its owner had spared no expense in stripping it of the slightest feature that would impress itself in memory. There was no sign, the windows were darkened glass, and the entrance was a blank gray door at the bottom of a flight of concrete steps. I descended and walked inside.

It wasn’t much more cheerful inside the tavern than out. Battered hanging lamps cast everything in a dim reddish-orange tint. The floor was slick with grease, and the air was sour with the scent of cheap beer. It was well into happy hour, but the clientele was sparse. I counted six men hunched over their drinks and making small talk. A couple of them glanced up and appraised me with cold eyes.

This wasn’t a place where people gathered for a good time. This was where you came when you had to conduct business that was frowned upon by civil society. An unfamiliar face like mine wasn’t welcome here. Still, they did little more than scowl at me as I approached the bar.

The bartender had just stepped out of a backroom lugging an icebox when he saw me. He set down the box and fixed his eyes on me. His voice was brusque.

“What’ll it be?”

“Nothing, tonight,” I replied. “I’m here to see your boss.”

The bartender frowned and tilted his head.

“I’m here to see Stauffer,” I clarified.

The man’s eyes narrowed.

“Who wants to see him?”

I set both my hands on the bar counter. I immediately regretted it — the wood was sticky with spilled alcohol — but I wasn’t about to show squeamishness. I pushed my right hand forward and curled my knuckles, displaying the ring I wore.

A gold ring with a seal displaying two serpents wrapped around a winged staff. The Caduceus. My personal symbol.

The bartender’s frown deepened. He recognized it.

“You’re an Olympian,” he said slowly.

“That I am,” I replied with a friendly smile. “Hermes of Olympus, Swift-runner and Wayfarer, Herald of the Dodekatheon, et cetera, et cetera. I’m here to see Arnold Stauffer with a message straight from Lord Zeus. And I fear it must be delivered face-to-face.”

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Sorry, my lord, but I can’t say I’ve—”

I held up my hand. “Tell you what. Let’s skip the part where you pretend that he conveniently stepped out a few hours ago and you don’t know when he’ll be back. I know he’s here. Does that sound good to you? Good, that’s settled. Now, just point me to his room, and I’ll be out of your hair faster than a Valkyrie can chug mead.”

The bartender gave a short, ugly chuckle. “He won’t see you today, my lord. He’s busy.”

“Oh!” I replied in mock horror. “He’s busy. Olympus forbid.” I leaned farther forward. “If it’s trouble you’re worried about, I’m not here to knock heads and pull ears. It’s a simple message. A communiqué. A heaven-sent singing telegram, if you will. Minus the singing.”

My words didn’t make much of an impression, but as I spoke, I took a moment to throw a casual glance across the tavern. I noted the hallway leading deeper into the building. I turned again to the bartender.

“He in back? Tending to the affairs of his kingdom?”

“He ain’t seeing you. Not my call.”

Stauffer had been expecting someone to show up. No surprise there. He knew what he’d done. And yet, he still thought he could keep me away. Adorable.

I took several meaningful steps toward the hallway. A man sitting at a nearby table slowly got up and stretched in a way that drew attention to his height and formidable musculature. His drinking buddy, a much older fellow than the rest of the barflies, remained seated but watched me carefully.

The standing man looked at me with a face that shone with arrogance.

“Must not have heard the man,” he said in a loud voice. “Arnie doesn’t want to be disturbed. So why don’t you skip out of here, Olympian?”

He gave me a predator’s grin and glanced at his friend who was still watching me. I sized up the gatekeeper. Tall, stocky, thick-skinned, with a greyish tint to him. Ogre blood. Not to be trifled with. Judging from the way his hands were open and held close to his side, I figured he was armed. Knives most likely. His jacket wasn’t thick enough to conceal a gun. He looked down at me, which isn’t hard to do to a god who’s five feet eight inches tall.

I sighed in defeat.

“Well, that’s a shame. It was worth a shot, though, wasn’t it, Mark? But you’re right, we don’t want to make a fuss. It is Mark, isn’t it?”

The man’s right eye twitched slightly at the casual mention of his name.

“Right, Mark Yeager.” I nodded as if I had just remembered. “You do a bit of leg-breaking work for Stauffer. Real smooth operator. A pawn shop here, a diner there. Very efficient, really rising in the ranks. Even got your own thing going, too, I’ve heard. A bit of burgling on the side when not on Stauffer’s payroll?”

Mark tried to laugh it off, but that telltale twitch in his eye didn’t go away. He wouldn’t make much of a poker player. “What are you trying to do, scare me? I’m a plumber.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I laughed. “That was pretty dumb of me, wasn’t it? You do good work, I’m sure.” Mark smiled mirthlessly at me as I took a step back. The tension in his body drained away, just in time for the gut punch.

“You, uh, did a real good job unclogging the pipes at Ezra Connolly’s place, I heard.”

The comment caught him off-guard. His nostrils flared, and his throat tightened. Jackpot.

“Unclogged his cabinets later that night, too. Pretty slick work.” I waved my hand across the tavern. “The guys must have really been impressed. Not easy, breaking into the home of a member of the Aristocracy.”

“What’s he talking about, Mark?” the white-bearded man asked calmly.

Mark shook his head, trying to shrug off the question. “Nothing. He’s just blowing a load of—”

I cut him off. “And is Stauffer having trouble with the Aristocracy?”

They all remained silent, watching me now with undivided attention. They knew the answer. The Aristocracy was controlled by vampires, a world-spanning criminal empire that suffered no insult. Its network in New York had been harassing Stauffer’s operations for a couple weeks now.

“Didn’t Connolly mention something to Stauffer? Something about being disrespected? About his territory being violated? Hey, Mark, you doing alright?”

The other men turned to observe Mark with acute interest. He wasn’t holding up very well under the scrutiny. His eyelid was practically short-circuiting, and his face was turning a violent shade of red.

I took a step closer to him. “You know how vampires are. Once they get it into their head that they’ve been slighted, they’ll go through fire and water to even the score. Man, I’d hate to be the guy who ticked them off. Vampires have a really interesting idea of justice. It involves lots of sharp, jagged objects. If I were Stauffer, I’d be looking for that idiot who messed up and just hand him over. So, anyway, how is the plumbing business nowadays?”

“Alright!” Mark erupted. “I get it. You think you know stuff.” He glared at me. “I’m loyal to Mr. Stauffer. And you ain’t passing through here.”

The white-bearded man whistled in derision. “He’s a god, you idiot. He’s not trying to force you to stand down. He’s proving a point.” He jerked a thumb. “Step aside.”

Mark shot a look at him. “But—”

“Shut up and get out of his way.”

Crestfallen, Mark stepped to the side, letting me pass. The old man raised his glass to me.

“Well played, Lord Hermes.”

As I walked away, I heard his voice growl, “Sit down, Mark. I think we should talk.”

A key rule of bluffing is confidence. Did I know with dead certainty that Mark was a thief? No. But I knew just enough. I had lots of little birds all over the city telling me things, and this was one of the nuggets they’d dropped me. It was all gossip, truths, and half-lies, and who knew which was which. But I had played this game before. Drop a hint, watch the opponent buckle, and then push him a little more. Never falter, never stutter, and always let them believe you already know everything. I’m a god, aren’t I? Everyone knows gods are all-knowing.

Well, I had gotten that roadblock out of the way. Now, it was time to deal with the big man himself.

There was a solid oak door at the end of the hallway. It was a fancy door, far more ornate than anything else in this place. I felt the faint pulse of magic emanating from it.

I put my hand on the doorknob and was immediately stung by a shock of intense cold that coated my palm in frost. An enchantment to ward off intruders. Clever.

But this was low-grade stuff. I focused my thoughts and pushed back against the enchantment. The magic sputtered and dissipated, and I felt the cold fade away. It took another second to take care of the lock. I opened the door and stepped inside.

To be continued …

If you just so happen to be enjoying my blog, feel free to subscribe. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

My first book, A God Walks up to the Bar, is available on Amazon.com. Witness the modern day adventures of the Greek god Hermes in a world much like our own – and with demigods, vampires, nymphs, ogres, and magic. The myths never went away, they just learned to move on with the times. It’s a tough job, being a god!

Urban Fantasy is … Where, Exactly?

So, my last couple posts have discussed what urban fantasy is and what it isn’t. Now that your curiosity is piqued, some among you may be wondering: Where can I find works of urban fantasy?

Everywhere, really.

Just to encompass how versatile urban fantasy is as a framework for storytelling, here’s a brief list of films, books, video games and comics that can be defined as urban fantasy.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians

The Tenth Kingdom (the first episode, at least)

Ghostbusters

Gremlins

Kingdom of Landover series (sort of)

Evil Dead

Any Marvel or DC product with magic in it

Any Scooby-Doo movie where the monsters are real

It’s a Wonderful Life

Dog Soldiers

The Secret World

Dracula

Grimm

The Dresden Files

Night at the Museum

The Shaggy Dog

The Shadow Over Innsmouth (most of H.P. Lovecraft’s works, actually)

Alan Wake

The Picture of Dorian Gray

And so many, many more.

Urban fantasy is vast, so expansive in scope that it can serve more as a thematic foundation for different types of stories than a specific genre in and of itself. After all, Dracula and Night at the Museum are very different, but both meet the criteria for urban fantasy. One is horror, and the other is comedy.

Urban fantasy is a genre, but it is also a theme. It is flexible enough to encompass virtually any story you can imagine.

I’ll leave you with a visual representation that I think captures the spirit of urban fantasy very well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX6vSOAPAF4

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Urban Fantasy is … When, Exactly?

Last week , I shared my definition of urban fantasy. To reiterate: Urban Fantasy is any work of fiction that features supernatural and magical elements juxtaposed with real life in the modern day.

Now, I have a confession to make: This definition isn’t quite right, either.

But wait, you may ask. Your previous post discussed the issue at length. What else is missing?

Well, this definition is ignoring a very important question:

When exactly is modern day?

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol features a fantastical story of ghosts set in Victorian London. A historical piece, right? From our point of view, maybe, but not from Mr. Dickens’ perspective. He wrote in what HE would recognize as modern day. So, technically, by the definition we’ve arrived at, A Christmas Carol is urban fantasy.

“Modern” is a relative term, isn’t it? The current year as of this writing is 2023. But a hundred years ago, if you asked someone when modern day is, they would reply that it is 1923. And a thousand years from now, the time we currently experience will be ancient history.

It’s all quite relative, isn’t it? But, before you start dreading some sort of lecture on Einsteinian physics, let me reassure you that all I am saying is that phrasing more specific than “modern day” is needed to explain urban fantasy.

Any piece of urban fantasy I or any other author publishes this year won’t be “modern day” in fifty or a hundred years. But while it is not modern, it is contemporary.

Surprise! Urban fantasy isn’t just a genre, it’s a subgenre. It falls under a much larger and broader heading: contemporary fantasy, also known as modern fantasy. It’s exactly what is sounds like. Any fantasy story that takes place in the author’s modern day is contemporary fantasy.

Remember when I said Harry Potter isn’t urban fantasy, but it is fantasy that takes place in modern times? I still hold that urban fantasy as a genre is dependent on the juxtaposition between real life and fantasy, which carries in certain parts of that franchise, but not at all times. But Harry Potter undoubtedly always falls under contemporary fantasy because its story takes place within the time in which it was written (give or take a couple years). Sometimes urban fantasy, but always contemporary fantasy. It’s a mix. Stories do that, because nothing ever falls into simple, cleanly defined categories, do they?

Anyway, let’s revise that definition one last time.

Urban Fantasy: Any contemporary work of fiction that features supernatural and magical elements juxtaposed with real life.

In other words, urban fantasy is fantasy meets real life at the time the author wrote it. Therefore, A Christmas Carol is urban fantasy. So is It’s a Wonderful Life, for that matter.

Genres sure are surprising things, aren’t they?

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Urban Fantasy is … What, Exactly?

Urban fantasy is a hot genre right now. You see works labeled as such in stores, sold on Amazon, talked about in online forums. But what IS it, anyway? Well, as someone who is writing a book that falls under the urban fantasy genre, I thought maybe I should dedicate some time to explaining my take on things. After all, words are just words until they’re explained, and genre names get bandied about too casually as it is.

You got two words, urban and fantasy. Okay, let’s break that down. “Fantasy” is magic and the supernatural and things that can’t be explained by science. Dragons and wizards and monsters and such. “Urban” is cities and industrialization and modern technology. So, urban fantasy is … fantasy in a city?

Merriam-Webster.com defines urban fantasy as follows: A genre of imaginative fiction featuring supernatural characters or elements in an urban setting.

So, fantasy in a city.

That seems a wee bit limiting, don’t you think?

In my humble opinion, the name is a misnomer. “Urban” is misleading. This is a genre that encompasses far more than just metropolises and towns. What about fantasy stories in a tiny hamlet in midwestern America or rural England? What about a story that takes place on a ship at sea, or in a forest cottage? I propose my own revised definition, because as an aspiring writer who hasn’t even been published yet, I’m TOTALLY qualified to do that, heh, heh.

Urban Fantasy: Any work of imaginative fiction featuring supernatural characters or elements in the modern day.

That’s a good start. It’s broader, but still succinct. But it’s missing something. It’s still not quite right.

There are plenty of fantasy works that take place in modern day that aren’t technically urban fantasy. Take Harry Potter, for example. Sure, the series takes place in the modern era, but its primary setting is so far removed from our mundane existence that it could be mistaken for a straight fantasy. Rarely do the supernatural elements interact with the “real” world. Sometimes, sure, but it’s not the core of the setting. Compare this to, say, The Dresden Files, which features the supernatural interacting with real life on a more consistent basis. In a pure urban fantasy, the magical and mundane collide regularly.

That’s the fun of the genre. Two disparate worlds clashing and coexisting. Goblins and fairies living alongside soccer moms and salarymen. The contrast is the striking and memorable part of urban fantasy. It’s like driving down a busy street and seeing uniformed men on horseback trotting past you.

So, here’s a revised definition. Urban Fantasy: Any work of fiction that features supernatural and magical elements juxtaposed with real life in the modern day.

That sounds a bit better, doesn’t it? We’re getting at the themes of the genre. How does magic exist alongside the real world? Does the fantastical hide itself, or does it live alongside what the readers recognize as normal? How do the two sides interact?

“Urban” fantasy covers a far broader range than its name suggests. My hope is that anyone who decides to pursue this genre, either for consumption or to create their own stories, won’t feel constrained by the label.

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