Tag: humor

Where Are My Glasses?

What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

What do I carry with me? That question can be a profound one. What abstract qualities do I carry that sustain me through the day? What precious items do I keep with me at all times that show what I truly value?

Well, it could be a profound question. Or it could be remarkably mundane and ordinary. Let’s go in that direction. There’s time for profundity later.

I always carry my glasses. Why? Because I need them. I can’t see well without them. I’d say that’s pretty important, wouldn’t you? My glasses are a part of me, whether I like it or not, and so they are either on my face or close at hand all the time.

It’s not emotional. It’s not soul-stirring. It’s not philosophical. But it’s real. If I didn’t have my glasses, I’d be straining to read these words as I’m writing them. If I couldn’t find them, I’d be tearing apart my room looking for them, crying fruitlessly, “Where are my glasses?”

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Charley Horse

Charley Horse is riding again

Up and down, up and down

Fast enough to make my head spin

Riding hard and fast as the stormy wind

He rides in the night silent as a lamb

I don’t hear him coming

Then bam!

He tramples my leg, turns it outside in

I scowl and I seethe and I hang on tight

Charley Horse ain’t slowing down

I hold on fast and try to rein in his might

But Charley Horse is away. He’ll be back again.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Dealing With a Flooded Bathroom and Interrupted Plans

I start out every week with a plan. I map out the days and what I’ll do on each of them. I have everything laid out in my mind, all stacked up like alphabet blocks in neat rows and columns. And for months and months, everything goes according to the plan.

Oh, sure, there’s a hiccup here and there, but it’s always controllable, negligible, minor enough for me to fall into the illusion that I’m in control.

And then I get home from shopping after work one day and find a strange man at my door. And I ask him who he is, and he tells me that he’s a handyman sent from my apartment’s landlord to investigate a leak dripping into the carport.

And so we both walk in. I smell the water right away. Enough water to cover my bathroom floor an inch deep. And more than enough to flow over the threshold and make a nice, mushy bog of the carpeting beyond.

And my expectations of the afternoon are out the window. Happy Monday, presumptuous sucker.

He sucks up the water with a wet-vac. Then he leaves a dinky fan to dry out the carpet overnight … and all next day, as the case happens to be. I have a fan of my own, and I add its might to the air flow.

And so my plans are disrupted by an adventure I didn’t want. And I didn’t go in to work today, but instead worked from home because I needed to wash and dry the rugs soaked by the flood and expected that the handyman returns during the day to reclaim his fan. Which he didn’t. Because our plans aren’t always someone else’s plans, either.

But at least we all got a blog post out of it, didn’t we?

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Have You Thought About Your Toothbrush Today?

Let us consider the toothbrush.

No one does until one needs a toothbrush. Then one calls out for salvation from cavities and bad breath. The toothbrush is an unsung hero. No one goes through the day anticipating that most exciting and thrilling of activities – oh, yes, isn’t it just! – that is brushing their teeth.

Some things are so ordinary, so utterly normal, that they slip beneath notice. But we must be thankful for the toothbrush. Without it, we would all dwell in a mire of poor hygiene. Only when we don’t have something do we understand how important it is.

Toothbrushes, floss, old slippers, fluffy carpets, dishcloths – mundane, lowly, easily forgotten, yet so, so precious in their own odd ways.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

When I Retire …

How do you want to retire?

It’s never too early to plan for retirement, is it? Well, it’s never a bad idea to think ahead, at least.

How do I want to retire? Alive would be a good start. Wait, that’s kind of morbid. Let me start over ….

When I retire, I want to be healthy, active and with the ability to continue sallying forth to enjoy life. I really look forward to being able to travel more. And to do that, I need to be in good shape physically and psychologically. I also need to have money, of course, but that’s what saving up for retirement is all about.

But I don’t just want to engage in fun activities. I want to have fun with other people. What’s the point of retiring if you’re going to be alone, anyway? Friends and family get old with you, right? So why not enjoy a life without workdays together?

Retirement is something that I do look forward to, and I want to be ready for it. I want to be the sort of person who can get the most out of a life where weekends are a strange, distant, obsolete concept.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Cloudy Days and Snowy Days

How do you feel about cold weather?

I feel like an anomaly, sometimes. I enjoy cold weather. When it’s sunny outside, I look out the window and think, “That’s nice.” But when it’s 60 degrees, overcast, and windy, then I get excited. I’m the kind of person who thinks anything over 60 degrees Fahrenheit is too hot. 70 degrees is an oven. 80 and over is akin to the surface of the sun and unfit for human habitation.

Maybe I just like cloudy days because I associate them with something more rough-and-tumble, a more adventurous atmosphere than the sleepy calm of sunny days. The smell of imminent rain, the distant crack of an oncoming thunderstorm, the stiff breeze running over my skin – I love it.

Cold and snowy days, on the other hand …

No, I don’t like snow that much. The cold I can handle, but snow is something best enjoyed from a distance, preferably from the inside of one’s own home. Snow looks pretty, but so do swans, and they are meanspirited cranks. Snow is slippery, deep, obstructive, and eventually turns to slush, which is just cold mud.

Give me cold, cloudy days, rather than cold, snowy days, please.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

The Wrist That Would Not Break

Have you ever broken a bone?

As a matter of fact, I broke my leg when I was a kid. Had to wear a cast. Very painful and inconvenient, I can assure you, but this story isn’t about that. This is about the time when my doctor was convinced that I had broken my wrist.

So, I was a kid roughhousing with my friends, and I fell over and hurt my wrist. My mom takes me to the doctor, who looks it over and then sends me to a clinic to have an X-ray taken. The scan shows that there was no break, though I did have to wear a sort of partial-glove thing to keep my wrist straight and rigid. Presumably in case it did decide to break.

My doctor, however, was not a man easily dissuaded. I went in for another appointment, he inspected my wrist, then sent me over for another X-ray. No change.

I come in for a third appointment. My wrist appears to still be intact. But how can one know without an X-ray? Third time’s the charm. Off I go to have my wrist scanned for signs of a might-be-hiding-in-plain-sight crack in my wrist. Three X-ray scans, and my wrist still wasn’t broken.

In fact, the man in charge of the clinic came to speak with me in person to confirm if the X-rays had been deceived and my wrist was in fact broken. It in fact was not.

Looking back, I might have at least done my primary doctor the favor of discreetly breaking my own wrist to justify his vigilance. But that’s the sort of idea that only comes later in life with much wisdom and imagination. The fact is, my wrist truly, sincerely, and stubbornly refused to break, no matter how many X-rays it was subjected to.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Bats Are Cute. Prove Me Wrong.

Sometimes, daily prompts are quite wonderfully bizarre. For example:

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

Okay, you asked for it. The very first thing …

Bats are cute. A lot cuter than people give them credit for.

Maybe I should have waited until Halloween to do this.

Anyway, bats are adorable and get a bad rap for being scary, bloodsucking, grotesque monsters akin to rats on wings. This is untrue and unjust to bats. Even ugly bats wrap around the event horizon and come shooting back out into the realm of cuteness. Bats deserve to be respected.

I mean, look at this. Is this the terror that flaps in the night? No, it’s a cute little baby bundle of fluff. Or this. And this, too. Respect the bat!

And that’s all I have to say about that. The first thing that came to mind for today’s blog post.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Groucho Marx on Reading

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Groucho Marx

Very important and enlightening commentary on reading by the great Groucho Marx. Good advice and to be followed. Reading is healthy. Being inside animals is not.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“

Reasons to Laugh

What makes you laugh?

I laugh at irony. I laugh at observations on the absurdities of life. I laugh at wordplay and cleverness. I enjoy sardonic jokes, jokes that push themselves up from the common denominator. I like humor that people put effort into, that has a setup and a punchline that makes you think for a moment, scratch your head, and then break out laughing.

I like being a bit of a gadfly. Nothing taken too far, but I get a giggle out of throwing people for a loop. Maybe I’m a Groucho Marx at heart, with a sharp tongue that I need to keep in check. But then, sometimes I’m laughing inside, watching politely and quietly as the world goes insane and carries itself with the utmost seriousness like a toad in a tuxedo being interviewed on the red carpet. Inside, I’m roaring.

The world isn’t getting madder; it’s always been mad. Lewis Carroll knew, and so did Abbott and Costello. Jonathan Swift was dead certain and let everyone know it. The Three Stooges made it abundantly clear. Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse proclaimed it with pomp and ceremony. Life is weird, and all the more so because we pretend it isn’t. The world goes on in utmost seriousness, and that makes me laugh, because if you ignore the layers of respectability, the jokes write themselves. An innocent child laughs at what adults believe is the most important thing in the world.

Most of all, I laugh at myself. We pretend that we can’t laugh at ourselves, that we are serious people on a serious Earth, but often that is who we should laugh at the most. So, laugh a little.

***

Many thanks for visiting my blog. I post updates on my writing career, I muse over storytelling and fiction, and I reflect on the curious and wonderful things in life.

“Hermes is not having the best time. He walks a fine line, and his duty as messenger of Olympus weighs heavily on him. Being a god in the modern age means living in a world that no longer believes in gods. How much can one deity accomplish when no one respects him anymore? And why do his instincts tell him that he, the son of Zeus, is losing favor with his own family?

Tensions abound. The upstart Young Gods play dangerous games using entire cities as their boards. Formless monsters strike from the nighttime shadows, terrorizing hapless mortals. Agents of rival pantheons scheme to thwart Olympus’ designs. In the thick of it all, Hermes does what he does best: trick, lie, and cheat his way to victory.“